The winner is Playmobius of Playmoboard!
With a truly inspired essay, Playmobius deserves every bit of plastic we sent him. Congratulations Playmobius!
Warning: if you find the repeated use of the word "tit" offensive, read no further...
"Here goes the tale of the four philosophers.
For starters, Nonippledipides should not even be included on the group of philosophers because he was mroe known as an avid toga-party-monster than a fulltime thinker.
Even during his frequent social events, Nonippledipides wasn't fond of expressive dialogues much because of his limited mental habilities to say it simple.
That fact alone could be responsible for his lack of achievements in Philosophy, but there were many efforts to bring any issue of his particular interest to discussion with no luck at all, such as "Does booze influence the mind or the body of the man?".
Playmostotle also didn't got much further in Philosophy because of his peculiar body painting mania. Over time he ended too much busy deciding what color to use whenever it got cold, not to mention finding the exact place for the spots.
Castocrates could look the reasonable philosopher to most inquirers because of the balance in his shape. But appearance should drive away not fog the true thinker of one of the most intriguing questions of playmokind. What mostly differs a male klicky from his female counterpart?
Castocrates could follow an easy path to answer: the size of the tits. Shame on you, Castocrates, and pity of the ones who seek your lessons.
Trying to define something by his direct opposite is one of the most falible method to approach a question. By Castocrates, blackout could be explained by its lack of light, but tell me what shade is made of?
On the other hand, Titus Maximus was rarely glad with a quick reply. After many years of dedicated study, he was able to share his findings with his companions.
By doing a close examination of a countless number of klickies, Titus Maximus fond that they couldn't be distinguished by breastsize only. For quite some time, playmowomen didn't had any breast at all. Because of that, the presence or lack of tits should not be used to indicate gender.
Going a bit more with his researches, Titus then drove his attention to skirts. Also during the first playmo-age, wearing skirts were only allowed to females, so as an effective gender pointer. But that mark didn't got over the passage of time, even it was rather funny the first vision of a roman centurion in his skirted-uniform.
After much time spent in observations of the playmokind, Titus decided to look closely at himself in order to find a proper solution. He was quite amazed to find at last, the aswer he seeked for so many years, so close at his own hands!
I - I have large tits.
II - Woman with tits like that usually are breast feeding.
III - Even with huge tits, I've never breast fed in my life, neither do I tend to, so I think I'm not a woman.
IV - I think I'm a man, therefore I am a man, nevertheless the huge tits.
The propositions of Titus Maximus didn't got much acceptance during his lifetime, but some say it served as a misterious source of inspiration for one of Descartes most famous saying: I think, therefore I am.